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Over these past 300 years, a monster by the name "Church Bear" has been adulterating our
earth with its malicious destruction of history's finest and most intelligent scientists, along with some really famous people
too!
But you may be asking,
"Who is the church bear? Why is he causing imminent destruction? And is there any place around here a guy can get a drink?"
2 of the 3 I can answer for you but to get a better idea of who he is, we need to have one of those fancy flashbacks..
Back
in the late 1700's, the world was beginning to adapt to its surroundings. Galileo had invented the telescope, theories of
the world being sun-centered were running rampant, and astronomy was emerging from the historically challenged nation of Britain.
Knowing that the scientists have defiled the Catholic churches ways, the Pope had to do something to end this "...outrageous,
unjustified society..”
Several days later, an informant for the Pope notified him that there
was a wild bear caught ravaging around in the royal forest. Finally! A symbolic figure for him to eradicate the world of the
cult of infernal theories. It would make him look bold, and he would be rid of the scientists who dare defy the Catholic Church.
The
Pope taught him well; teaching the ways of the Catholic world took quite some time. After that, the Pope soon realized the
bear needed to be trained on how to kick some ass. For this he introduced him to the Russian Militia. Their leader, Ivan Kukofski,
soon trained the bear to become a guerilla fighter 20 years later.
As the bear was training in a
field one day, the Pope's informant came running up to Church Bear, breathing heavily with his clothes torn and his body scarred,
and told him that the Catholic empire was under attack by Galileo and his henchmen. But by the time Church Bear got back,
it was too late. The Poor Catholic town stood no chance against the evils of Professor Galileo. Suddenly he saw that his master,
the Pope had been stabbed in the back by a telescope, autographed by the killer himself, Galileo. As he knelt over the dead
body, Church Bear swore to avenge the Pope's death...
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